Ok, so at my yoga studio (the place where I'm master of my chaturanga -- which, for those of you who don't know, is basically a pushup. Hence, I do about 50 pushups during each practice... in 110 degree heat...), I belong. I'm comfortable. I'm confident and calm, even when I'm stretching my limits and my endurance. I don't judge (myself or others), I avoid opinions (especially about myself, both about how well I'm doing and how poorly). I just do the work, embrace the workout, stay in the moment, focused, and enjoy it. That's not what happened at the gym.
I lost my breath, I lost my cool, I lost a small part of my lunch (yeah, I know), and then I lost my confidence and was wrapped in disappointment. I wasn't able to finish the hour, I wasn't able to complete the last few circuits, and I was right on my way to heartbreak. My trainer, Julie, was great -- she was understanding, supportive, encouraging -- but I felt like I had disappointed her, and me. And I left with my head high, but my spirits low, my head dizzy, my stomach nauseous.
Until I remembered my first moksha yoga class, where the post-workout results were much the same. Where I went back despite the difficulties and challenges and doubts, where I learned the mantra of I am breathing in, I am breathing out, no judgements, no opinions, just be present, just do what I can.
So, right now, I'm exhausted, headachy, sore. But already ready for the next session, even if the exact same thing happens. I refuse to be disappointed, I refuse to be discouraged. Bring it on!
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