Dream a little dream...

Today, I had a startling, almost overwhelming moment of clarity and hope. The perfect words -- clarity and hope -- the hope I felt was deep-seated, overpowering, going so far beyond being moved to tears, it hit me hard enough to make me gasp in true wonder. I had a realization, so clear, so sharp, so real. And although it's going to sound ridiculous (in its obviousness), I guess it was because I'd never articulated it before, never fully acknowledged and admitted it before. Never hoped it with all my heart and all my focus and all my love and gratitude and strength and force before.

I realized that for all this crazy, unpredictable world has to offer, with all its twists and turns and tragedies, hidden and obvious, imagined and real, possibly being the last year we have to live (if you believe the mayans), I had one clear wish for the future.

Today, as I looked at my sweet child -- who drove me to tears this afternoon with his typical, fit-throwing, screaming, non-napping three-year-old self -- that I couldn't wait to see how his life turned out. To see how he grew up. What hearts he broke. What people broke his. How he handled both. What he grew up to be, and look like, and act like, and become. How he would move as a teenager, as an adult -- how tall and lanky, or sleet and lithe, powerful or quiet, or both. How long his hair would be, how much grayer his eyes would become. How good he was at sports, or what books he liked to read, or what his first car would be. What he would remember from his childhood. What he would remember about Jim. What he would remember of me. What our marriage and life together would have taught him. Would he travel or stay close? Would he grow up here or in Colorado? Would he sing? Would he dance? Would he build or tear down? Would he be strong and smart and healthy and kind and good? Would he create, or discover, or solve, or help, or fly, or fight, or serve, or sacrifice? Would he cry, or laugh, or rage or...

Please, I thought to the universe, whatever happens to us all, to this wonderful, mixed-up world, whatever destiny or chance is out there waiting to unfold, please let me get to see that. I can't wait to see that.