So much, turned around

Today was uneventful, no big crazy editing project to complete, no mountains of laundry to do, not quite time to start packing and organizing for our Colorado trip, although I've shopped and prepped for our return already. I made a small mess in the kitchen, but Grif helped too - we made pancakes for breakfast and chili for the super bowl, and then decided to skip out to lunch (at, in Grif-speak, Pa-ner-ro) instead of staying inside, and where Grif was truly an angel. Ate all his lunch, stayed right by me, was simply a good, well-behaved, adorable child. High marks for a three-year-old boy.

Which says something for his adaptability -- poor guy, he's born the brunt of my quicker-to-explode-that-time-of-the-month-temper all by himself the last day and a half, but in the true magical nature of children, they both remember too much yet are sooo quick to forgive. Remember when you yelled at me? Yes, Grif, I'm sorry, I shouldn't yell like that when I'm mad. It's not nice. I'm sorry, honey. It's ok, mommy.... total forgiveness, complete and unencumbered.

So tonight, as we lay in his bed, and he was doing his usual toss around fidgety thing -- the thing that keeps him awake when he so obviously is exhausted -- I started to lose my temper again (on this, the last and worst day of those headachy, volatile, emotional days of the month), and from out of nowhere, this child of mine did something different. For the first time ever, he asked me, mommy, do you love me so much? He's told me that, stated his love (so much) already a thousand times, even though that "I love you so much, mommy" is something relatively new... but this, this questioning, as if he didn't know, or else just wanted to hear it, was a first. And it, as expected, floored me. Checked my anger like ice water on a fire. Gone, out, suddenly, completely. As if he knew, somehow in his little heart and soul, knew exactly that this was what I needed to hear to bring me down off that (silly) stormy mountain I was mentally ascending, as if he knew it would cut right to my heart and bring back only what was important -- my love for him, his for me, and deep, deep, deep thanks for this life that has brought both.

Mommy, do you love me so much? Oh honey, yes I do. With all my heart.