So much.

Last night, as I went to bed, I felt the most amazing sense of accomplishment. Even though I still had a ton of work to do, laundry to sort and wash, and a whole house to clean, I felt good. Really, really contentedly good. Optimistic, satisfied, happy. This was in part due to the fact that I actually finished a good chunk of some writing I had to do, and totally despite the fact that I was waaaay behind in some editing and indexing still needing to be done (which I'm once again putting off for just a few minutes here as we speak -- I'll get to it, next).

Even more amazing, I woke up with the same take-on-the-world attitude. And it even carried me throughout my day, most pointedly through my (as usual) rough writing afternoon. Rough writing, by which I mean that I have a terrible time (frequently) both remembering that I am a (great!) writer, and also actually getting the (great!) writing done. Yes, I know, hard to believe, but I often sit in front of my computer at my (great!) job as a copywriter, totally despondent and dejected because I know that this will be the day when the words just won't come. Or even worse, that this is the day when I really don't feel like finding the words at all, because of the project, the client, my lunch, my lack of sugar snacks, my overindulgence in sugar snacks, my lack of sleep, you see where I'm going here.

But last night and therefore today, something changed. Shifted. Regardless of what I had done and what I had left (yet again) unfinished. I felt like I had done it all -- and even better, done it well. Maybe this is what writing and blogging have been all about, all this time. This continual building of energy and optimism and inspiration and drive. And maybe this is just the start of the rewards, both spiritual and mental, that I have only now begun to reap. Maybe this is what I have been about, all this time. How amazing.

I'm quite sure that this silly bliss will have its down days, or disappear for moments at a time. I'm a realist about that. But for now, I'll take the "high." This morning, minutes after a groggy Grif came wordless into my room, silently begged me to bend down and take him in my arms, I complied. We sat on the floor, we rocked, we cuddled. A little frog tucked entirely into my body, as I hugged him so very tight. Five minutes later, or maybe it was ten, he finally spoke his first words of the day, "Mommy, I love you sooo much." And I can only think now, that maybe this too is what it's all about. Amazing indeed.