I'm listening...

There are times when I don't think I'm a very good listener. I forget details -- the names of friends' friends, upcoming events they told me about, plans they've made that are important to them. I forget to ask, I forget to follow up, I forget -- and I wonder now if it's not that I have Mommy Brain (although that is a wonderful excuse), but that I so often don't take the time to listen. Really listen.

Right now, I'm listening (and getting distracted by) a fly buzzing in the window behind me. Listening to the buzz of conversation around me without really tuning into it. Trying to listen to the music from my earbuds instead of the satellite radio station I am tired of but that is blaring just a little too loudly. I used to joke that I had "bartender hearing" -- back when I was a full-time bartender, it was my job to listen to whatever the guest wanted to talk about (bad day, failing sports team, significant-other trouble, sports in general, did I mention sports?) while simultaneously and effectively keeping the bar clean, making drinks, taking orders, washing glassware, watching for the next guest, stocking liquor & beer, making change....you get it. It was a weird mastery of multitasking -- and I was good at it -- listening, responding, but all the while four steps ahead with the next drink, the next customer, the next....

I've lost that ability. I think. Maybe I still have it -- I've just lost the ability to really focus on the first part: listening. Again, it's easy to cry "Mommy Brain," but I think it's more that I need to slow down. Grif's dishes can wait. So can his bag, or his laundry, or the show I DVR'd which is currently on pause while you talk to me. So can my own thoughts about my story that is so similar to the one you're telling me right now. Is there something really that important that I can't just slow down, look you in the eye, and listen to what you are saying right now? Ok, I can think of a few things, but most of those involve stitches or the hospital...I think I even forget to listen to myself -- no time, no time! -- and perhaps, if I slow down, I will hear that I'm tired, or that I'm alright, or that I am, in fact, happy.

I want to slow down (but wait, don't I need more time to do that?). No. I can slow down. Slow down and listen to my husband when he goes on and on about the "options" that he is so interested in. Slow down and listen to Griffin when he's playing, laughing, sleeping. Slow down and listen to you, my friend, whenever you talk to me. Slow down and listen to that strong, amazing voice inside that cries "yes, you are" and "yes, it is" when I need to feel better, happier, hopeful, thankful. Slow down and listen. Listen to the universe telling me that everything is surely unfolding as it should be. Slow down, take the time, and listen. I'm quiet now. Quiet. And listening.