Hide and Seek

So, obviously, my goal to post every day this year has seriously fallen by the wayside. Vacation, colds, now the flu -- life, if you will -- have gotten in the way. And I'm ok with letting them get in the way. I don't feel like I've broken a promise, or a vow (and no resolutions!) to either you, reader, or me (or Grif). I'm still trying to capture a shot of Grif every day, and if I occasionally skip that, I more than make it up with doubles. Either way, I'm still proud of my efforts here, even if I haven't totally stuck to my original intent. Either way, at the end of this year, I'm going to have a huge catalog of family pictures, family fun, and words and memories to remember it all by.

A few days ago, Jim and I were lounging in bed watching TV with Grif in the early morn. Winnie the Pooh came on -- which Grif has never seen or heard of -- and he laughed so hard. Pooh, he said, then paused. And then he chuckled loud and hard, before following it with, That's funny. And then laughed some more.  It was one of those silly, unexpected moments of actually hearing Grif grow up. We laughed for so long.

Today, Grif and I played hide and seek for the first time -- I really wasn't aware he even knew how to play. But I hid, and so did he, and then we would peak out at each other or "find" each other every few minutes. One of these days, I'll post his laugh here -- it truly is magical. We also went for a walk before lunch, taking the dog and getting out into the sunshine. I had to coax him into it, but once we got going, there was no stopping him. He had to run ahead, skip-running down the hills and then running back up the other side as we walked along our neighborhood sidewalks. It melted my heart to see him so happy and active and agile and funny. He turned around at one point to tell me, Mommy, this is so fun!

It's days like this that make me miss Jim the most -- regardless of the fact that it's those first days of any of his trips that are the hardest anyway (he left yesterday). I always feel like I've rushed around to get things done and catch up and take advantage of being able to get those things done cuz he is home. And then inevitably, I'm done erranding and cleaning and doing, and that's exactly when he has to leave. It didn't help that we were both still recovering from the flu alllll week, and now that we are both on the mend, we must part. Still, I can't wait to tell him about hide and seek. And the new park we found today. And the fun we had on our walk. And that I miss him. We miss him.

Loud and clear

So, oddly enough (for me anyway), I've been sick again. This time worse -- this time with what appears to be the flu. Which means I'm achy, headachy, dizzy, weak, tired, cranky, weepy, sore throaty (it's a word), feverish and all the rest. On top of which it's that time of the month for me, and Jim has been out of town (and sick as well) through it all. Poor Grif -- he never stood a chance.

Which is not to say I haven't had some bright moments -- Friday was good and Grif was a shining example of angelic good-boyness at a crazy overcrowded Panera. Then it was too beautiful, and I was feeling a small window of respite from my what I then thought was just a bad cold or sinus infection, so we went to the park... where I was once again amazed at his ability to latch on to another child and form an immediate friendship in laughter and play. It was a beautiful day, and we stayed through nap just because it was too tragic to think about taking him inside and fighting with him to go to sleep.

The next morning, I somehow rallied to take Grif to a birthday party we had been talking about all week, and again, felt better for the interim even though it was near-imposible to get myself moving (and presentable) for the 10:00 am party time. But here's the bonus, the payoff, if you will, even though the combined events (park and party) are probably what pushed me over (way over) the edge into full-blown flu and down and out misery.

At the party, and the park, Girf developed a new habit -- one that he repeated over and over and over. In the midst of loud, excited children, in the midst of all other cacophony and noise, in the midst of his focus and joy on playing or sliding or simply having sheer, innocent, good fun, Grif will call out to me, in his loudest, happiest, smile-filled voice:

MOMMY!!! MOMMY! He'll keep calling, until I answer, Yes, Grif (I answer with a smile on my face). And then the payoff, even louder:
I LOVE YOU, MOMMY!!!!!

Worth every nyquil, zycam, emergen-c, advil and excedrin migraine, don't you think? I hear you, honey, loud and clear.

Nothing and everything.

Nothing special happened today. It was just as hard to get up this morning as yesterday. Work was just as crazy as usual. Lunch with an old friend and working out after work were a little different, but nothing to write home (here) about. It rained a little, it was sunny for awhile, Grif and I had a good dinner, we played trains, read a book, tucked in, and fell asleep. It was a normal, simple, uneventful day.

Which is not to say it wasn't worth celebrating. Grif asked me in the car, how was your day, mommy? I laughed out loud -- how many times have I asked him that? And just today, he asked me for the first time -- and sounded so sincere, so interested in the answer that my heart was filled to overflowing. It was good, honey, how was yours? His answer -- it was good, mommy, thank you for asking. My cup runneth over.

So, thanks. Big, huge, full, full thanks. For my little boy, my husband, my health, my strength, my talent, my beauty, my life. Thanks for this wonderful, lovely, normal day. Nothing special happened and that's what made it so special. This day was everything. How was yours?

Reminders

I was going to blog about yoga. And the boy. (I know, strange and crazy topics.) I was going to blog about life, my thoughts, my worries, my crazy mind that wouldn't settle down this afternoon, my knee (which is strangely hurting me a ton all of a sudden), my blah, blah and gobbledegook.

But then I ran across this video. And I decided to blog about it instead.

Today is Valentine's Day. And my day started waking up to a wonderful, generous, funny, caring, intelligent man who is also my husband. And getting to wake up a sweet, hilarious, funky-haired, scared-of-sharks, grey-eyed little boy who is also my son. And it was filled with crazy work, procrastination, more crazy work (more procrastination), some writing, some indulging, some yoga, some mind wandering, some thanks, some celebrating, some realizing, some worrying, some hoping, some happiness, some fun.... and this. I posted it on Facebook as well, so if you ignored it there, I urge you to watch it here. And if you are too lazy or busy or disinterested to watch it, you can read it instead (but you'd miss the music -- the sweet Italian music -- that is so well chosen, and so perfect for conveying this message that I think you should skip to the good stuff and just push play below): 

Be happy
Show up
Follow your heart
Find a new perspective
Have a sense of wonder...
Find people you love...
Set goals
Help Others
Dance
Pamper yourself...
Face your fears...
Go to a museum
Exercise
Limit television
Get in touch with nature
Lighten up
Get a good night's sleep
Read books
Buy yourself flowers
Don't compare yourself with others
Don't beat yourself up
Be open to new ideas
Don't focus on negative thoughts...
...Focus on creating what you desire
Make time just to have fun
Keep the romance in your life
Make a gratitude list
Love your Mother Earth
Want what you have
Be true to yourself

My day ended with this. And I think yours should too.

Plus and minus

The beauty of vowing to both capture an image of Grif every day AND post about it here has its pluses and minuses. The beauty and the tragedy of sticking to one part of it and not the other. The good side is that I have pictures, great ones, silly ones, truly Grif ones from nearly every day this year (minus a few days from our vacation). The not-so-great side is that I do not have a corresponding post -- I was trying to catch up, then I was sick, then I was just lazy. Not excuses really, just reasons.

But again, the beauty of capturing shots every day is that when I don't have a post to go with it, it seems like a wasted image. A wasted opportunity. A chance missed. Extra incentive, I guess. So, because I was catching up, sick and then lazy, here are a few posts (images) in one. And a few thoughts as well...

He's growing up so fast. He talks clearer. Says new words and phrases every day that I've never heard him say before. He's taller. Faster. More agile. Smarter. More dexterous, more receptive, more open. More loving, more caring, more affectionate. He's changing so quickly, and I love to see how he grows to become more of the person he will (hopefully always) be. It's interesting, this motherhood thing. Barbed with trials and sorrows, blessed with all-encompassing love and joy. It's something I didn't expect. Couldn't expect. But is so very true, every minute. Its own brand of beauty and tragedy, I guess.

We've all been taking it easy this week -- I think we all needed it. Getting back to being a family. Getting back to "we three." Back to our schedules and routines. Back to normal, with just the right amount of naptime, TV-time, and playtime indulgence. It's been good. It is good. And that's worth celebrating here as well.

Now off to be lazy for just a bit longer. We've (I've)(you've) earned it.

Resilient

Resilient. It means to recover or adjust easily. What's interesting (and frustrating, and heartbreaking, and puzzling, and relieving) is that Grif is both totally un-resilient and resilient at the same time. We've been away, and he obvious did not adjust well to that. He's still not adjusting well, I think, and we're feeling the backlash of that even these fews days later as we settle once again into our normal, everyday routine.

But totally, 100%, fully, completely resilient? That's Grif too. And perhaps true of all three-year-olds. Crying one minute, fine the next. Upset and concerned at once, then completely joyous and happy and laughing a moment later.

We talked tonight about the dentist (our first appointment tomorrow, fingers crossed) and he seems open to that (if there are presents, which I suspect there will be, given the reports of this dentist). And we talked about swimming -- which last year he could not get enough of, but when I talked to him about learning to swim soon, he was resistant, worried that he if goes in the water, he will just "go down and disappear forever." He actually said those words... and my heart started to hurt with the thought that he was actually worried about (and could coherently picture) disappearing forever. But then the very next moment, his toy snake fell into the water... and was swimming. And he saw it. And he got it. And he was so very excited about his snake's tail just swimming in the water, back and forth.

Resiliency. I think it's what makes 3-year-olds so totally, utterly loveable. It makes us forget (and forgive) the tantrums and fits and innocent meanness. It's what makes us better parents, better people, knowing that if you can just wait out the storm one more minute, the smile on his face and the laughter from his heart will melt, melt, melt you.

A bit of a break

So for the first time, I know in a way how my husband feels when he returns from a trip. We were away from Grif for 10 days, and suffice it to say, he changed a ton during that time. I swear he was talking much, much more and definitely more clearly in that short week and a half apart. It was disconcerting almost. And, to top it all off, I'm beginning to think we may have been away for too long for his age. Do I regret our Colorado trip? Absolutely not. But it was hard on Grandma, and really hard on Grif. All of which made me sad -- he schedule was so disrupted, he had real trouble sleeping and now he's back-slid more than a little when it comes to his calls of nature.

Which is not the point. The point was perception -- I get it a bit better now. When Jim comes home after being away, I understand his sometime frustration that routines and patterns have changed. That Grif seems less interested in playing with him. That Grif seems a bit more inclined to throw a fit or have a meltdown. It was kind of an eye-opener, and one that I'm not likely to get another chance at. It hurt my heart a little, to see how fast that little boy changes, both adapting and resisting. But for as much as it was hard on him, it was so very necessary for Jim and me.

And the break from my daily blogging? Easy to forgive the breaks. Not so easy to get back into the swing. Ah, vacation. How effectively you wield that double-edged sword. Love you when your on, but killer when trying to recover when you're over. Makes me think there's something to be said for home. It's where the heart is, after all. Most definitely.