Without direction

I feel my shoulders creeping up around my ears. My anxiety level building, filling me up with this weird restless feeling that has me wanting to just walk away from this job (that I need to be at right now). Near tears that I can't do this today (anymore)(just yet). And lunchtime yoga is still two hours away.....I feel like I'm literally about to boil over...with what, I'm not sure, but I know that maybe this is the best way to get it out and under control.

I had a hard night last night with Griffin. He was a tired, unhappy, fit-throwing monster last night (for lack of a better description). No nap at daycare. Two-year-old "wants" that he wants NOW. It made for a very un-fun and stressful (and again tearful) evening. And I felt so frustrated at him, and myself. Are we raising him the right way? Not giving in to the tantrums that if we do, will only lead to more? Nurturing him enough for him to know that some days it's ok to lose your cool (cuz it happens to us all)? Funny, I think about his name a lot these days...and those are the things I want him to be. Powerful like a lion. Free like an eagle. Right now though, he's just a cub who doesn't always know the difference between playtime and serious time -- a fledgling who's just starting to spread his wings and test the air. He was a lion for Halloween this year. And that (and this pic) captured him so perfectly -- his innocence, his youth, his playfulness, his sweetness, his trust, his potential....

My mind is racing so fast with emotions and wishes and sadness and hope that I can barely keep up here, let alone actually concentrate so that I can get the work done that I need to do here today. I don't want to write silly home page copy for a client that I'm working with now. I just don't want to (sound like a tantrum?). And if I can't do it (if I get anxious and upset and distracted every time like this) then how am I supposed to do this on a freelance basis? If I can't even concentrate here, if I can't motivate here, will it be worse when I don't have a timesheet and a boss to answer to? How can I teach my fierce little lion of a boy to be as peaceful as an eagle if I'm having so much trouble doing the same? I just want to go home and take a bath and a nap and maybe cry for a bit....I want to run away for a bit. But instead I have to hold it together. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

And just like that, this crazy stream-of-consciousness-not-really-like-me-jumble-of-craziness has done some semblance of its job, as a slight sense of calm and purpose has returned. Amy Seeley below helped -- I listened to these seven songs while writing this (and will probably just keep re-starting them throughout today). I have to breathe. I have to let all the frustrations -- from last night, from this job, from everything -- go. Just breathe. Be calm. Celebrate in my health. My breath. My strength. My beauty. My fortune. My life. I have to focus again here. On this day. On this paragraph. On this one inhale...and let the rest go.