A Long Breath

Ok, so 2010 hasn't exactly been the stellar year I'd hoped for so far...in short, my work life (yes, my WORK life) has been so over-the-top, insanity-filled, really-crazy-busy-no-I-mean-really-crazy-busy that somehow January has nearly passed me by...not only without a new post here, but without even the time to READ the blogs that I usually (daily) enjoy.

I have, however, luckily made time recently (somehow) to get to yoga (one of my resolutions not just for the New Year, but for life in general). Two things, it's been ages since I've been...yes, I let the holidays (starting waaaay back in October with the boy's birthday) interfere in so many ways. I could blame it on my husband's crazy flying schedule, but I can think of at least five distinct times that I could have gone but either 1. chose not to due to laziness/grif time/jim time/steph time/laziness, or 2. I honestly did not think of it until it was too late...I'm blaming these on the holiday-induced sugar coma that I happily, willingly indulged in throughout.

So it had been awhile, and last Sunday, after my triumphant return to the hot yoga studio I love, I could definitely feel the missing time. My balance was off, my muscles sore and not at all accustomed to the poses I was forcing them to remember...but it was good. Yoga always is.

I went again last night -- after a horribly long, once-again-over-busy day at work, braving the insane rainstorm last night to get there, all of which made it so much more inviting to just stay at home and cuddle up on the couch instead of subjecting my body to the heat and sweat again...but I went anyway. And I swear it was hotter -- significantly so -- than any other class I'd been to. But somewhere in the middle, I think I may have crossed a road -- even with my month-plus absence -- for the first time, I felt my breath and my body push over a line I had not known existed. I was tired, drenched, somewhat defeated, but all of of sudden in the middle of Warrior II, I felt....powerful. Intensely, quietly, fiercely POWERFUL. I could almost feel my whole body vibrating with this strangely silent energy and control. And I reveled in it, felt it, took it all in...all with one long breath. And another....and another...

Afterward, standing in line at Chipotle to finish my eve with a healthy dinner (and yes I ordered healthy there!), looking in the glass at my reflection (which was still beet red, with soaked hair, and more than a little disheveled), I realized that I looked -- no, I felt -- taller. Yes, taller. Larger than life. Thinner even. I felt more.

I was totally exhausted afterward, mentally as well as physically. But in a good way -- a fulfilled way -- quite unlike the exhaustion that (I've let) work as of late drag me down into. And as I lay in bed that night, I lamented the fact that I'd let this blog -- this wonderful outlet -- go dormant for what seemed like much too long. And though this is not the entry I intended today, this is still nothing I truly have time for (here at work), this is much much longer than I wanted, it's here. Again. Finally. And I'm giving a good part of the credit to my yoga class last night. The rest goes to me, for getting there and doing it again. And for getting something even more than I planned out of it. Strength. Health. Presence. Peace. Rest. Breath. All of it oh so good.

And so, it begins (2010)...

Our holidays were truly magic...only my sister's house could be so full of chaos, love, wonderful food, a 90-pound puppy, and true, true goodness. Happiness. Fun. It was the perfect way to close down 2009 with laughter and family and everything it should be. The grand finale of a wondrous decade.

A new year begins...has already begun, in fact (how quickly). It sidled in while we were still opening gifts with Grif and eating decadent food and even more decadent cookies and pie. Sneaky, New Year, sneaky. I have so many hopes, big dreams, bigger expectations, giant demands from (of) this year...where will we be at this time in 2011 when we look back? Will I have accomplished all I wanted? Will I remember -- know -- to be truly grateful for it? Will even the things I failed to do (again, still) bring a feeling of contentment or peace, knowing that there is either time yet to complete them or that they weren't really all that important anyway....It brings a smile to my face to look forward. Breath held. Fingers crossed. Prayers answered. Thanks given.


So here's to 2010. Here's to snow days, coffee breaks and egg breakfasts. Here's to working out more (really) this year. Here's to even returning back to "real" life at work -- as I refuse to let the madness and slight disenchantment of my job get me down. Here's to fitting into that one old dress in my closet. Here's to sled/car/bike/plane/boat rides with Grif. Here's to summer afternoons and cool fall nights. Here's to spending more time with husband. To spending less money. To spending at least one long holiday at my little farm. Here's to all the things that I (we all) vow to do/change/start/finish every year, but never...quite...do. Here's to the hope of those things. Cuz really, as long as I still believe in these things, hope for these things, hope for my life, then I can truly enjoy this wonderful, beautiful new year. As I should.